Understanding and cultivating the dynamic that exists between a Mistress and her slave is much more than being able to master the technicalities of BDSM such as bondage or accurate CP. In fact, no elaborate dungeons, equipment or sex toys are necessary. Submission, unlike masochism is not primarily physical. Within the context of a power exchange, a deeper emotional drama of acceptance is played out. The players engage in a complicated and intricate mind game. Submission depends on the slave’s ability to align his will with that of the Mistress and to fulfil her wishes. The Mistress must cultivate, reinforce and direct this submission through training and punishment. Every Sub/Dom interaction is different in its nature and also its confines. These relationships may range from one afternoon a month, to every weekend, to a complete 24/7 arrangement. I intend to outline some of the basic procedures for developing the Mistress and slave relationship along with some ideas that may be useful to include in a slave’s basic training programme.
As a dominant woman it is important that you choose a title that will command respect and reflect your authority. ‘Mistress’ is the classic form of address, although now it has become superseded by more dramatic names like Goddesses, Priestesses, Queen and Lady. During scenes a long address may be replaced by a simple default form of address such as Mistress or Madam. While in service the slave should always use the specified honorific when addressing his Mistress. Mistresses should be vigilant with their chosen title ensuring the slave never forgets to use it.
Slaves should always be renamed by their Mistress to designate their owned status, symbolically the slave has to then leave behind his old self and become someone new for her. It may be just a different name, a nickname, used to indicate a TV slave’s new feminine identity (Jack becomes Jackie etc) or a humiliating name for slaves that need to be dehumanised and constantly reminded of their lowly position eg. Dirt, Worm, Doormat. Slaves must also be taught that they may speak only when spoken to or otherwise only with explicit permission.
The slave collar is probably the most common and easily recognized mark of submission. By accepting the collar the slave indicates their total willingness to serve their Mistress completely and are only released from this commitment once the collar is removed. The collar should always be worn while the slave serves his Mistress, it may be necessary to remove it for heavy bondage scenes etc. or when the slave has to enter the outside world. In public situations it indicates that the slave is presently ‘owned’ and that his Mistress must be approached before any contact is made with the slave. Collars are also practical as they allow a chain or lead to be attached to the slave, which allows them to be tethered or left until the Mistress has use for them again. A lead given to another Mistress may indicate the fact that the slave has been lent out and that now someone else holds their leash and must be obeyed.
The ideal slave collar should lock, as it is not a fashion accessory. The lock holds the slave captive to the Mistress but also binds the Mistress to her submissive. The Mistress may wish to display the key as a pendant to remind the slave and all onlookers of her power over her slave. (Always keep more than one working key and the sub should know the location of the spare for emergency situations where he has to release himself.) Collars should fit snugly without impeding movement or restricting breathing. Adjustable collars are better as the neck can swell in certain situations. Collars don’t have to be huge leather studded affairs, for TVs or sissy maids the slave may wear a simple velvet ribbon.
When being collard the slave should present themselves in a manner that displays their submissiveness and willingness to serve. I suggest a kneeling position with head bowed and eyes cast down. First they should fetch and present the collar to the mistress and then kneel up lifting any hair or clothing out of the way. The Mistress may make some kind of ritual address to the slave as she collars him such as:
"While you wear this collar, you are mine to command. You will obey me without hesitation, As long as you wear it, I will consider you my responsibility. I will let no harm come to you as long as you are in my care."
It is always important that once in a private situation the slave properly demonstrates his position and subservience. He should always drop to his knees and greet his Mistress by kissing her shoes, boots or feet. If they are in a public situation I believe a discreet kiss on the hand is quite proper especially if accompanied by the appropriate eye contact. For an actual session or period of slavehood unless otherwise directed he should either strip naked or put on any specific uniform or clothes required by the Mistress. He will then wait on all fours without moving until the Mistress is ready for him. Upon the entrance of the Mistress he should kiss her feet and then offer himself up for collaring.
Mistresses may make physical demands of their slaves, the most common being that the slave shave or partially shave their genital area. To remove the pubic hair makes the slave feel naked and vulnerable, the actual process itself can be quite humiliating. Slaves may also have to be cleansed with an enema either given by Mistress or to themselves to ensure absolute cleanliness before a session. The Mistress may decide to control the slaves diet, make them eat from a bowl possibly on the floor or with no utensils. They may have to ask permission to go to the lavatory. I take great pleasure in controlling the bodily functions of my slaves. For me it is the ultimate form of domination - to dominate from the inside out. To watch how the simple things in life can become so important, eating, dressing, sleeping etc. I like to take away any sense of self from the slave in order to recreate my ward into the perfect pleasure slave.
The dress of the slave for different occasions needs to be established, whether they are to be naked or to have a special uniform to serve in. If they are TVs or cross dressers ensure they know exactly what feminine dress the Mistress prefers. If the slave has to go out into everyday life to work etc. I find that it is always important for the slave to have some constant physical reminder of his position and status. They may have to wear stockings or panties under their clothes. I particularly like to tie up my slave’s genitals for the day. I have a number of small leather harnesses that can be padlocked on - ideal for sending them off to work for the day with a constant reminder of who that cock belongs to. They can also be anally plugged as part of a stretching training programme.
The slave’s sexual conduct is also an area that must be fully controlled by the Mistress. A slave must never masturbate or ejaculate without permission. Remind the slave that his sexual desire is your property and should be dedicated to your pleasure not his. The Mistress may wish to totally enforce this abstinence for short or long periods through some kind of chastity device (especially if a slave cannot be trusted or has misbehaved). I find a state of sexual hunger can be a force that drives slaves to better performance. The promise of release is also a great reward. Some times I will enforce abstinence for a few days after a session I have a device that locks around the penis and testicles allowing a slave to pee but not to get an erection. I will place it on the slave when he leaves me and then send him the key in the post - he will have to await its arrival to take the device off.
A Mistress must always be vigilant and never let the slave’s behaviour slip. It is important that she punish the slave for any failings or misdemeanours. A punishment book may be kept in order for the Mistress to keep a check of the slaves overall performance. Slaves should admit to their failures and ask to be punished. After the punishment he should always thank his Mistress for punishing him. Punishments do not necessarily have to be corporal (that is beatings). In fact making the punishment fit the crime can be very useful eg. If he has splashed urine over the toilet make him clean it with his toothbrush and order that he must sit down to urinate like a woman from now on. It is also important to remember that good behaviour or efforts should be recognize and rewarded. I usually find affection and kind words good incentives. I may also allow them some special reward eg. more privileges or perform a special scene consisting of things they particularly enjoy.
A slave should always express his submission through his body and posture. When slaves are not required they should be unobtrusive and focus whatever task they have been set. The Mistress should give the slave a default position which he can return to when he is at rest. Generally the head of a slave should be inclined slightly forward with the eyes caste down. I know some Mistresses never allow their slaves to either have their heads higher than theirs or to look at them directly. Although this can be appropriate some of the time, I believe that one of life’s most sublime pleasures is staring into the eyes and soul of your slave while you are making him suffer.
When training my personal slaves I give them a series of positions to learn which I number from one to ten. This allows me to call out a number, say position 2 or position 8, in order to have the slave instantly in the position I require to further use them for my pleasure. These being:
It is also very impressive when one has other Mistresses or guests over for tea. These positions can be learnt and then practiced and are an excellent way to exercise your slave. Make sure he gets them absolutely perfect - the use of a cane or crop can help immensely with this. For long periods of kneeling I allow my slaves what I call a prayer mat. A pillow will suffice.
Mistresses should always lay down very specific rules as to when a slave should stand or crawl, sit on the furniture, lift his head or look you in the face. The Mistress should make sure he obeys these rules and should always be consistent with him. (Unless she wants to confuse, humiliate and frustrate the slave.) There are also a number of simple verbal commands that a slave should learn to respond to such as: "Come here", "Go", "Attend" and "Present". I also use simple hand signals which is always impressive when in public situations. If I click my fingers the slave must rush to kiss my feet. Clapping my hands signals that I wish him to greet my guests by kissing their feet.
Mistresses should inform the slave of the duties he will be expected to perform such as cleaning, shopping, becoming the Mistress and her friends’ chauffer for the day etc. Slaves in training should be encouraged to keep a written record of their thoughts, fantasies and experiences. Slave must always be completely honest about their desires and fantasies and must confess any disobedience or failings and ask to be punished for them. Slaves may be required to escort their Mistress to a Fetish or specialist club or out to a private event. They may be required to remove coats, carry bags, fetch drinks, greet guests, hold ashtrays, become a footstool or even just remain on a lead kneeling on the floor at their Mistress’ feet. In these circumstances the slave must make special effort to be on their best behaviour and be an asset to their Mistress.
For new slaves I would recommend the following basic procedure: (obviously not all elements have to be included and the order can be rearranged). Firstly the slave should be stripped, showered down, shaved and given an enema - this could be performed by the Mistress' assistant or perhaps a female slave. The new slave should then be left in appropriate bondage until the Mistress is ready to receive him. The Mistress will collar the slave and give him the appropriate pep talk about how to address her, what she expects, punishment, his new name etc. The slave will then be put into a full body harness and manacled, this may include a hood, blindfold or gag - TVs/cross dressers will of course be dressed in the correct feminine clothes. Lastly the cock & balls should be securely tied or put into some kind of chastity device. Now the slave is ready for a full body medical inspection to include the mouth, cock & balls and anus.
Once a slave has truly dedicated himself to his Mistress it may become appropriate to permanently mark him as your property. These marks represent a deep enduring relationship and should never be undertaken lightly. Obviously agreeing to a mark and what it is to be, must come about through discussion and agreement, as no one ought to be permanently marked without their explicit permission. These marks should be applied to the slave during some kind of bonding ritual, or rite of passage, perhaps in front of a selected audience where they fully commit themselves to serving their Mistress. There are many ways in which to permanently mark a slave as your property. The most well known being body modifications such as piercing (genitals, nipples), branding, tattooing and cutting. (All of the afore mentioned marking should only be performed by trained professionals.)
I have found genital piercing to be one of the best ways to mark a slave, the ring itself is also very symbolic being circular in shape it signifies the O of obedience. Rings are also useful as once they are healed your initials or an engraved tag can be hung from them. Rings also have the advantage of being easily removed if necessary leaving no obvious signs in the skin. Marking also becomes a constant and private reminder for the slave of their true position in life.
It is worth giving some consideration to your mark as a brand, scar or tattoo will be a mark that the submissive will keep with them always. For this reason I would suggest that unless they are very small names and initials should be avoided. Instead choose a design that has a secret meaning to those involved or a symbol of submission like a Celtic knot to symbolise the O of obedience. If a permanent mark is not possible there are ornaments that can be worn, such as a nameplate added to a collar, chains worn under clothes with padlocks, engraved jewellery or dog tags. These tokens and marks can act as solace for a slave when not with their Mistress as well as being a constant reminder of their position.
Once a slave has been through an initial training programme and has been fully tested the Mistress can decide whether to take on the slave as a fulltime commitment. In this case the slave will have to sign a contract. A contract provides the Mistress with full ownership and use of the submissive’s body and mind for a specified period time. The contract should state clearly the terms of the slave’s servitude, that is exactly what the Mistress requires of the slave. Breaches of the contract will be treated very seriously and result in severe punishments and in extreme cases the tearing up of the contract and the dismissal of the slave. Contracts should last for a set period where upon they can be re drawn - I think a period of six months is quite appropriate for a first contract. I am including a sample contract that may be useful for Mistresses to use as a basic outline. Every contract will be different reflecting the requirements that the Mistress will make upon that slave. When I have decided to take on a new slave and have worked out a contract with them I always feel it is proper to arrange a ritual with other invited Mistress and slaves for the actual signing. I like my slaves to sign in their own blood and I will award them with some token of their submission or servitude to me usually a piercing or an inscribed collar.
It takes a great deal of forethought, hard work and dedication to create and maintain a successful Mistress and slave relationship but I can assure you the benefits are immeasurable.
Contract of Slavery I ........ Known hereafter always as Slave....... Do hereby formally renounce my right of liberty and give myself freely and without reservation into the ownership of my Mistress Mistress........ I fully understand and accept the following conditions of my future existence as the slave of my Mistress I am the property of my Mistress, body and mind I will obey my Mistress at all times without question or hesitation I accept that my feelings, opinions and wishes are meaningless and irrelevant I will speak only when spoken to I will kiss my Mistress’ shoes, boots or feet as a greeting to her when and wherever I first meet her I will always be naked in the presence of my Mistress or I will always dress up for an audiences with my Mistress in approved clothes: French maid uniform, high heels, stockings & suspenders, panties, wigs, full make-up etc. I will fully learn my duties as a slave to my Mistress I am to accept fitting punishments for any behaviour unfitting of a lowly slave I accept that my body is useful only for the pleasure of my Mistress and that she may use my cock, mouth and anus for her sexual pleasure I will accept any torture, punishment or humiliation my Mistress chooses for me I will be completely honest about my fantasies and desires I will confess any disobedience or failings and ask to be punished for them Signed Mistress......... Witnessed Mistress........ Signed Slave.........