Are you proud of your submission ?

[jon123]

Originally Posted by balacano

.....thats what gives us all that "buzz" surely!.....if it wasnt secretive and "slightly shameful",then its wouldnt be of interest......would it?

It's probably unfair of me to quote this again since Ms Tytania has already quoted it. However, I think it's the best short quote for expressing what I want to say.

I don't remember, even back at the beginning, being even slightly ashamed. Even if I had, but am not now, I don't think I would beat myself up over it. "The fact of experiencing the tendency towards regression means nothing. It is the final attitude towards the experience that has to be evaluated" (quoted by F.R.Leavis in his discussion of D.H.Lawrence's poem 'Piano'.)

If I've never been ashamed I don't think I've been proud either. The two seem to go together, as though there's some internal battle for acceptance of one's sexuality taking place in the individual, with shame on one side and pride on the other.

Then I turned to the word secretive, which I found more interesting. Secretive can have a moral quality if one thinks of the word 'furtive'. We are back to the world of guilt, which I reject.

Then there is secret in the sense of other people not knowing, which may or not be important, but one that I don't find that interesting.

But then there's secret in the sense of 'out of time' (which I used on another thread). Stepping from one world into another, and then back out again at the end, a transformation that has always excited me, even to this day.

There's also darkness, which may also have a moral quality, but for me just exaggerates the leap from one world to another. I remember the one session where I was hurt more than in any other session I have ever had before or since. For part of this I was hooded, which my mistress rarely did, and this seemed perfectly in tune with the session (*)

So I do accept the 'secret' part of the above quotation, not in a moral sense, but in the sense I used it.

(*) however, my story on PDUK ended with the defeat of secrecy and darkness, which is why it was called 'The Final Session'