Tributes and destroying the fantasy

There have been a couple of hot topics lately, namely passing judgement on a Lady's tributes and levels of respect between subs and dominants alike.

This has brought me to a thought which has been on my mind for a few days now.

Where tributes are concerned, is anyone else of the belief that by picking apart or seeking some kind of justification in terms of value in the cash handed over to spend time with the Lady in mind - well, isn't it all quite fantasy destroying? What is it that some people seem to want as reassurance of 'value'?

On one hand someone does their homework and finds a Lady they wish to visit, she enjoys the scenarios they are seeking, has reviews and other such things to confirm those statements and charges £xxx per hour. That person would then weigh up the information they have been given, consider their own financial means and then decide wither or not to contact the Lady for a session. They may need to budget to visit the Lady, they may be in a position to visit the following day - that's for them to weigh up and then choose how to progress if at all.

Then on the other hand there are persons who look at things differently and want to know why a Lady with xxx skills, xxx equipment, xxx premises would call for a tribute of £xxx.

Is it not safe to understand that we are knowledgeable business Women and are to grips with the running costs of premises, consumables, tax payments and such like?

I think that by wanting or trying to pry into the tributes a Lady takes for her time not only diminishes the excitement and fantasy of it all, it also belittles the Lady herself. After all it seems to come across as more a question of 'why does she think she's worth that?'.

[jon123]

Originally Posted by Ana

I think that by wanting or trying to pry into the tributes a Lady takes for her time not only diminishes the excitement and fantasy of it all, it also belittles the Lady herself. After all it seems to come across as more a question of 'why does she think she's worth that?'.

Yes, exactly.

And, to pick up another thread, mistresses are not pints of lager.

[Rehrednu]

Whether or not it destroys the fantasy, surely depends on what the fantasy is in the first place.

I guess it also depends on the extent to which the ideal has already been undermined by the existence of a tribute.

[GordonFreeman]

Originally Posted by Ana

Where tributes are concerned, is anyone else of the belief that by picking apart or seeking some kind of justification in terms of value in the cash handed over to spend time with the Lady in mind - well, isn't it all quite fantasy destroying? .

I agree with you entirely. I really don't see the point of this at all. For some people I suppose they have to feel they are getting value for money. I am sure many of us have been in restaurants where diners pull the meal apart and then complain about the value - I have heard people do it. If you think it is too pricey wise up - don't go there or don't go a second time.

Originally Posted by Rehrednu

Whether or not it destroys the fantasy, surely depends on what the fantasy is in the first place.

I guess it also depends on the extent to which the ideal has already been undermined by the existence of a tribute.

In an ideal world every person would be completely open to those they are in intimate relationships or with to be in relationships with about their fetishes and kinks and that partner would always be accepting and nurturing, but this isn't the case.

We are the people to whom you turn to find that acceptance and space to explore yourself. Just because we are accepting, explorative, nurturing and/or sadistic Ladies doesn't mean we simply must provide time to those who seek it - on demand. A tribute, back in ye olde days was a gift of thanks for the acceptance and time furnished upon the sub who sought her - and to my mind it still is in a way with slightly more modern constraints. Why should we not be given thanks for providing you that which you cannot find elsewhere in your personal life?

Why should anyone provide you with what you need to their detriment? Am I to be out of purse to furnish you with what you want?

[tallpaul69]

Originally Posted by Ana

There have been a couple of hot topics lately, namely passing judgement on a Lady's tributes and levels of respect between subs and dominants alike.

This has brought me to a thought which has been on my mind for a few days now.

Where tributes are concerned, is anyone else of the belief that by picking apart or seeking some kind of justification in terms of value in the cash handed over to spend time with the Lady in mind - well, isn't it all quite fantasy destroying? What is it that some people seem to want as reassurance of 'value'?

On one hand someone does their homework and finds a Lady they wish to visit, she enjoys the scenarios they are seeking, has reviews and other such things to confirm those statements and charges £xxx per hour. That person would then weigh up the information they have been given, consider their own financial means and then decide wither or not to contact the Lady for a session. They may need to budget to visit the Lady, they may be in a position to visit the following day - that's for them to weigh up and then choose how to progress if at all.

Then on the other hand there are persons who look at things differently and want to know why a Lady with xxx skills, xxx equipment, xxx premises would call for a tribute of £xxx.

Is it not safe to understand that we are knowledgeable business Women and are to grips with the running costs of premises, consumables, tax payments and such like?

I think that by wanting or trying to pry into the tributes a Lady takes for her time not only diminishes the excitement and fantasy of it all, it also belittles the Lady herself. After all it seems to come across as more a question of 'why does she think she's worth that?'.

Is there a slight danger of muddling up two different strands in this debate?

I completely agree that asking why a price for any goods or services is set at whatever level the putative supplier is asking isn't any of the putative buyers business.In the mainstream commercial world these questions are answered by the formula "That's a matter of commercial confidentiality".

In my industry they are answered with the formula "F**k off .....and take your f*****g horse with you"

I also agree that price haggling utterly destroys the magic of good commercial BDSM for both parties.

What seems to be eluding some people is that its beyond the remit of this board to censor posts or ban posters who air subjective opinions on the value for money (as they perceive them) of various suppliers

Rather peculiarly there are some posters (generally those who are suppliers of BDSM services) who make the most strenuous efforts to use the boards to compare differing toy and equipment manufacturers and to obtain redress if they feel they have been disadvantaged.

Sadly sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander

[Rehrednu]

I think you might have misunderstood my reply.

On a personal basis, I agree. My time with a Mistress is important to me. I couldn't see someone I didn't like, respect or connect with in some way. To the extent I've ever contributed to threads such as the one which precipitated your question, I believe it has been from a position that is supportive of the Mistress. Certainly I think that's the case with recent threads on this board. I'm sorry I haven't worked out how to link - but please look at post made today on thread in question.

What I was saying - with perhaps too much brevity - is that some subs seek not an emotional connection but a simple physical experience. As I said I'm as far away from that as most, but for these subs the fantasy isn't destroyed by a more "clinical" assessment of value.

Equally at the opposite end of the spectrum, some will already have had their fantasy eroded by the fact that a tribute is required. That's not to say they wouldn't enjoy a session - it's just not the fantasy.

I'm in neither of these places. For the most part I have loved my time with professional Mistresses who have helped me to express an important part of my character. I have met some intelligent, interesting and genuinely lovely women who I have felt privileged to serve. I have never questioned a fee, its value or their absolute right to set it.

But I still think the answer to your question is "it depends".

Hope this clarifies the point.

Originally Posted by Ana

In an ideal world every person would be completely open to those they are in intimate relationships or with to be in relationships with about their fetishes and kinks and that partner would always be accepting and nurturing, but this isn't the case.

We are the people to whom you turn to find that acceptance and space to explore yourself. Just because we are accepting, explorative, nurturing and/or sadistic Ladies doesn't mean we simply must provide time to those who seek it - on demand. A tribute, back in ye olde days was a gift of thanks for the acceptance and time furnished upon the sub who sought her - and to my mind it still is in a way with slightly more modern constraints. Why should we not be given thanks for providing you that which you cannot find elsewhere in your personal life?

Why should anyone provide you with what you need to their detriment? Am I to be out of purse to furnish you with what you want?

[subtle]

IME the best sessions are priceless, invaluable. They've shown me some beautiful things, & expanded my understanding in some very unexpected ways

The money just allows it to happen. What really matters or makes the difference is how much you invest of yourself

Genuine question to the OP and to everybody who has replied (and to future posters too): what is this endangered "fantasy" you are referring to? Everybody seems to agree that it exists, and that the financial aspect of professional sessions may destroy or erode it. But what does this fantasy, or fantasies, consist of?

Originally Posted by Ms_Tytania

Genuine question to the OP and to everybody who has replied (and to future posters too): what is this endangered "fantasy" you are referring to? Everybody seems to agree that it exists, and that the financial aspect of professional sessions may destroy or erode it. But what does this fantasy, or fantasies, consist of?

The fantasy I refer to I guess is more, for lack of a better way of phrasing it the 'magic' which happens, the on edge excitement of visiting a non celluloid Dominatrix. When issues of a monetary nature are poked, prodded and require justification then the business side of what it takes to be able to provide sessions comes under scrutiny - which I feel ruins the excitement and anticipation. What we spend on consumables like needles, gloves and sterile wipes, rent rates and the costs of power, adding to our wardrobes and upgrading our equipment are all things we need to manage.

It ought to be left to us to carry out that side of things, in our capable hands without the poking and probing which I feel damages the fun and exciting dynamic of a good session. Prying into a Lady's finances creates a business transaction air and not necessarily a happy D/s dynamic. Of course the very nature of professional domination is business orientated, but I'm sure many ladies here have no revolving door and a good level of selectiveness to prevent the money coming first and the sessions second.