Tributes and destroying the fantasy

[tallpaul69]

Originally Posted by Ana

The fantasy I refer to I guess is more, for lack of a better way of phrasing it the 'magic' which happens, the on edge excitement of visiting a non celluloid Dominatrix. When issues of a monetary nature are poked, prodded and require justification then the business side of what it takes to be able to provide sessions comes under scrutiny - which I feel ruins the excitement and anticipation. What we spend on consumables like needles, gloves and sterile wipes, rent rates and the costs of power, adding to our wardrobes and upgrading our equipment are all things we need to manage.

It ought to be left to us to carry out that side of things, in our capable hands without the poking and probing which I feel damages the fun and exciting dynamic of a good session. Prying into a Lady's finances creates a business transaction air and not necessarily a happy D/s dynamic. Of course the very nature of professional domination is business orientated, but I'm sure many ladies here have no revolving door and a good level of selectiveness to prevent the money coming first and the sessions second.

+1........Its none of the clients business!

........but thats different from seeking to censor clients from swapping price comparisons/ opinions on the merits of suppliers etc etc

[JustJames]

Originally Posted by Ms_Tytania

Genuine question to the OP and to everybody who has replied (and to future posters too): what is this endangered "fantasy" you are referring to? Everybody seems to agree that it exists, and that the financial aspect of professional sessions may destroy or erode it. But what does this fantasy, or fantasies, consist of?

Pain is wonderful by itself, but a large part of the appeal is having someone who really wants to give it to you and is getting some form of deeper fulfilment themselves.

I try and be as entertaining a masochist as I can be, but I don't think I'll ever shake the feeling that the person I'm with is beating 'Mondays arse', while thinking about what's on telly.

Originally Posted by JustJames

I try and be as entertaining a masochist as I can be, but I don't think I'll ever shake the feeling that the person I'm with is beating 'Mondays arse', while thinking about what's on telly.

What makes you think that all that a Msitress thinks about, every Mistress you've ever visited by the sound of your post, is the money?

Originally Posted by tallpaul69

What seems to be eluding some people is that its beyond the remit of this board to censor posts or ban posters who air subjective opinions on the value for money (as they perceive them) of various suppliers

Rather peculiarly there are some posters (generally those who are suppliers of BDSM services) who make the most strenuous efforts to use the boards to compare differing toy and equipment manufacturers and to obtain redress if they feel they have been disadvantaged.

What we are seeking to do on UKM is to is ask people that, if they want to discuss the merits/tributes etc of a particular mistress, they do so by PM and not on an open board. We can't (and wouldn't want to) stop that sort of discussion. We hope that posters will respect that and do so voluntarily. It does appear to be happening that way at the moment

I hear what you say about manafacturers but there is, to me at least, a difference between discussing an individual and a business openly especially when the individuals concerned may participate in or look at the forum.

IC - a much bigger fish than us - also, generally, seems to operate that way

[tallpaul69]

Originally Posted by Lisal

What we are seeking to do on UKM is to is ask people that, if they want to discuss the merits/tributes etc of a particular mistress, they do so by PM and not on an open board. We can't (and wouldn't want to) stop that sort of discussion. We hope that posters will respect that and do so voluntarily. It does appear to be happening that way at the moment

I hear what you say about manafacturers but there is, to me at least, a difference between discussing an individual and a business openly especially when the individuals concerned may participate in or look at the forum.

IC - a much bigger fish than us - also, generally, seems to operate that way

Good points BUT

a) I've had a couple of "fishing" emails from people I don't know (or are newly registered) seeking my opinion on Dommes I've reviewed .....is a "free for all" conducted away from the sunlight of open posting really going to be any better than the present system? At least offended Dommes can see posts they don't like and respond as they see fit

b) One rule for suppliers of services and a separate one for suppliers of goods is just bonkers.At the click of a mouse I can get a review of virtually ANY service provider of ANY service in the U.K-barrister,solicitor, surgeon,doctor,accountant etc etc

c) Not sure I/C would be recognised as a great benchmark by some recently (re)joined members.One of the VERY good things about UK-M is the sparing nature of the moderation.

BTW this isn't a post slamming the way we run our affairs and I see merit in what you suggest

Originally Posted by tallpaul69

Good points BUT

a) I've had a couple of "fishing" emails from people I don't know (or are newly registered) seeking my opinion on Dommes I've reviewed .....is a "free for all" conducted away from the sunlight of open posting really going to be any better than the present system? At least offended Dommes can see posts they don't like and respond as they see fit

b) One rule for suppliers of services and a separate one for suppliers of goods is just bonkers.At the click of a mouse I can get a review of virtually ANY service provider of ANY service in the U.K-barrister,solicitor, surgeon,doctor,accountant etc etc

c) Not sure I/C would be recognised as a great benchmark by some recently (re)joined members.One of the VERY good things about UK-M is the sparing nature of the moderation.

BTW this isn't a post slamming the way we run our affairs and I see merit in what you suggest

Thanks for not slamming and you make a good point about IC

a) Let's see how it works. We are trying to get the balance on UKM right after the recent shenanigans and there is a general feeling (not from all I accept) that MIS is a particular cause of issues. Let's face it the whole area is hugely subjective and open to abuse (both from subs digging out dommes and overpraising them)

b) I am sure you can but we are talking about a small forum on a very specific and very personal subject. And one where the suppliers of services (always thought that an awful phrase) interact more than most websites I have seen about doctors etc. And for all these sites reviewing doctors/accountants etc do you take that much account of the views of another bunch of internet users ( I ask this genuinely out of interest)

Having seen the programme about businesses (different I know) getting into trouble because of bad reviews on Tripadvisor I think I would be wary indeed about trusting that sort of input

[tallpaul69]

Originally Posted by Lisal

Thanks for not slamming and you make a good point about IC

a) Let's see how it works. We are trying to get the balance on UKM right after the recent shenanigans and there is a general feeling (not from all I accept) that MIS is a particular cause of issues. Let's face it the whole area is hugely subjective and open to abuse (both from subs digging out dommes and overpraising them)

b) I am sure you can but we are talking about a small forum on a very specific and very personal subject. And one where the suppliers of services (always thought that an awful phrase) interact more than most websites I have seen about doctors etc

Lisal;just out of curiousity I trekked over to MIS.

I was very forcibly struck by the fact that NONE (or virtually none) of the protagonists in recent debate are asked about,commented on,discussed etc etc.

Its basically a forum asking for information on less high profile PDs/visiting PDs/retired PDs

Tempest in a teacup?

[Mistress Susannah]

Great thread Mistress Ana. Most of what I feel has already been covered. If I could just pick up on one point that lisal has already replied to.

Originally Posted by tallpaul69

b) One rule for suppliers of services and a separate one for suppliers of goods is just bonkers.At the click of a mouse I can get a review of virtually ANY service provider of ANY service in the U.K-barrister,solicitor, surgeon,doctor,accountant etc etc

This is at the very heart of things for me and it's something I often come back to.

I maybe have a slightly "fairy tale" notion of sessioning but I'm a lifestyle Domme who likes to play with different people who are on my wavelength. I'm not someone who earns a fortune (by any means) and I combine pro Domming with several other careers. As subtle has wisely said, the money simply enables things to happen. Within sessions I'm not a service provider. I don't run through a list of activities. The submissive doesn't get to pick what we do. I listen to what they're most attracted to (generally so I can tease the hell out of them) and obviously work within their limits (although I've been known to push them once we've built up a relationship).

I don't see many people and spend most of my days writing "I don't feel I'm the right Mistress for you" emails. I need the people I dominate to be people I would dominate in a lifestyle sense. Without the money (which incidentally is a turn on for me) I wouldn't be able to session with so many.... and I believe that would be sad for all of us.

From my experience, sessions are emotional and intense. They produce feelings in us both like nothing else in life. I try to keep my tributes fair and balanced. But they need to be there, or I would have to do something else or be out on the street. Those I see are completely respectful of that.

Now, if I were selling mars bars, or indeed dildos, or if I were an accountant I wouldn't mind comparisons in price. They're consumable products. I don't really want to be thought of as a consumable product. I'm a human being with thoughts, feelings and emotions. When I session I give an awful lot of myself. For me to be discussed merely on a price tag is quite crass and upsetting.

I don't believe I have ever been discussed this way on UKM. But when I see other Mistresses being discussed like such I think about how it would make me feel - and that's upsetting. They're not even around to discuss the issue, which is even worse. I personally feel such discussions and comparisons are better off in PM - unless, as lisal says, they form part of a kosher review that has been forwarded to the Mistress for her thoughts. We don't know a Mistresses motivation or her circumstances for charging a particular price.... so why not leave the surmising for PM's - then you can still have the conversation (and express dismay) and you stop upsetting the Mistresses.

I appreciate that others may session in a different way, and it maybe a different experience for them. But I hope that communicates how some of us are made to feel when we're discussed like "consumables".

[Mistress Adore]

Originally Posted by Mistress Susannah

I maybe have a slightly "fairy tale" notion of sessioning but I'm a lifestyle Domme who likes to play with different people who are on my wavelength. I'm not someone who earns a fortune (by any means) and I combine pro Domming with several other careers. As subtle has wisely said, the money simply enables things to happen. Within sessions I'm not a service provider. I don't run through a list of activities. The submissive doesn't get to pick what we do. I listen to what they're most attracted to (generally so I can tease the hell out of them) and obviously work within their limits (although I've been known to push them once we've built up a relationship).

I don't see many people and spend most of my days writing "I don't feel I'm the right Mistress for you" emails. I need the people I dominate to be people I would dominate in a lifestyle sense. Without the money (which incidentally is a turn on for me) I wouldn't be able to session with so many.... and I believe that would be sad for all of us.

From my experience, sessions are emotional and intense. They produce feelings in us both like nothing else in life. I try to keep my tributes fair and balanced. But they need to be there, or I would have to do something else or be out on the street. Those I see are completely respectful of that.

Now, if I were selling mars bars, or indeed dildos, or if I were an accountant I wouldn't mind comparisons in price. They're consumable products. I don't really want to be thought of as a consumable product. I'm a human being with thoughts, feelings and emotions. When I session I give an awful lot of myself. For me to be discussed merely on a price tag is quite crass and upsetting.

I don't believe I have ever been discussed this way on UKM. But when I see other Mistresses being discussed like such I think about how it would make me feel - and that's upsetting. They're not even around to discuss the issue, which is even worse. I personally feel such discussions and comparisons are better off in PM - unless, as lisal says, they form part of a kosher review that has been forwarded to the Mistress for her thoughts. We don't know a Mistresses motivation or her circumstances for charging a particular price.... so why not leave the surmising for PM's - then you can still have the conversation (and express dismay) and you stop upsetting the Mistresses.

I appreciate that others may session in a different way, and it maybe a different experience for them. But I hope that communicates how some of us are made to feel when we're discussed like "consumables".

JustJames, i do hope you are able to find a Mistress suited to you, once you do, i think you will it find a totally different ball game

[rubberbondagenut]

Originally Posted by Mistress Susannah

Great thread Mistress Ana. Most of what I feel has already been covered. If I could just pick up on one point that lisal has already replied to.




This is at the very heart of things for me and it's something I often come back to.

I maybe have a slightly "fairy tale" notion of sessioning but I'm a lifestyle Domme who likes to play with different people who are on my wavelength. I'm not someone who earns a fortune (by any means) and I combine pro Domming with several other careers. As subtle has wisely said, the money simply enables things to happen. Within sessions I'm not a service provider. I don't run through a list of activities. The submissive doesn't get to pick what we do. I listen to what they're most attracted to (generally so I can tease the hell out of them) and obviously work within their limits (although I've been known to push them once we've built up a relationship).

I don't see many people and spend most of my days writing "I don't feel I'm the right Mistress for you" emails. I need the people I dominate to be people I would dominate in a lifestyle sense. Without the money (which incidentally is a turn on for me) I wouldn't be able to session with so many.... and I believe that would be sad for all of us.

From my experience, sessions are emotional and intense. They produce feelings in us both like nothing else in life. I try to keep my tributes fair and balanced. But they need to be there, or I would have to do something else or be out on the street. Those I see are completely respectful of that.

Now, if I were selling mars bars, or indeed dildos, or if I were an accountant I wouldn't mind comparisons in price. They're consumable products. I don't really want to be thought of as a consumable product. I'm a human being with thoughts, feelings and emotions. When I session I give an awful lot of myself. For me to be discussed merely on a price tag is quite crass and upsetting.

I don't believe I have ever been discussed this way on UKM. But when I see other Mistresses being discussed like such I think about how it would make me feel - and that's upsetting. They're not even around to discuss the issue, which is even worse. I personally feel such discussions and comparisons are better off in PM - unless, as lisal says, they form part of a kosher review that has been forwarded to the Mistress for her thoughts. We don't know a Mistresses motivation or her circumstances for charging a particular price.... so why not leave the surmising for PM's - then you can still have the conversation (and express dismay) and you stop upsetting the Mistresses.

I appreciate that others may session in a different way, and it maybe a different experience for them. But I hope that communicates how some of us are made to feel when we're discussed like "consumables".

Very touching post Mistress Susannah,

I for one know how hard the Mistresses I see in both the UK and Germany work to provide outstandingly wonderful playspaces for their clients.

Most city centre properties where ever you are in the UK don't come cheap. The amount of kit and in my case (rubber) is eyewatering in the places I choose to play. Not exactly a couple of whips and a chain above a bed territory!

None of these Mistresses conduct sessions from home they have proper studios. That all costs money and in some cases big money, big overheads, big responsibilities day to day.

Why shouldn't they enjoy their work and make a living?

I enjoy my work and it feeds me in so many ways....

Furthermore, I genuinely like the Mistresses I session with, we talk about lots of things post session and I like the connection to my fetish they give me so paying their fees is effortless!

Sorry if that upsets people that bang on about the recession,


Rbn