Can't touch this

[Ogden McNitt]

How do Mistresses view clients with wandering hands? Just as unacceptable as in any other work environment? an occupational hazard? par for the course? or even part of the fun?

I think we can all agree it's poor etiquette to assume a Mistress is okay with being touched anywhere without explicit permission, but does a tactile sub automatically = a disrespectful one?

Do some Mistresses give off an air of 'don't you dare effing touch' and others not?

My own favourite lady has beautiful legs, and is not shy about showing them off, often exposing that very inviting patch of soft flesh between stocking top and panties.

I do declare, there have been times when I was so horny, my hands took some comfort there.

But with other ladies this would feel like I was taking a serious liberty.

What do others make of these blurred lines? Is dialogue the key here, or is common sense and 'sub's intuition' a better option?

[Slutty Rimmer]

Originally Posted by Ogden McNitt

How do Mistresses view clients with wandering hands? Just as unacceptable as in any other work environment? an occupational hazard? par for the course? or even part of the fun?

I think we can all agree it's poor etiquette to assume a Mistress is okay with being touched anywhere without explicit permission, but does a tactile sub automatically = a disrespectful one?

Do some Mistresses give off an air of 'don't you dare effing touch' and others not?

My own favourite lady has beautiful legs, and is not shy about showing them off, often exposing that very inviting patch of soft flesh between stocking top and panties.

I do declare, there have been times when I was so horny, my hands took some comfort there.

But with other ladies this would feel like I was taking a serious liberty.

What do others make of these blurred lines? Is dialogue the key here, or is common sense and 'sub's intuition' a better option?

Ogden, I am channelling your vibes man.

In the dungeon stands a pervert
And a groper by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of ev'ry hand that slapped him down
Or crushed his balls till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
"I am sorry, I am sorry"
But the pervert still remains, mmm mmm

For godsake Ogden, this is November we are living in, not the January of months past. What may have been acceptable this time last year is clearly not acceptable now and it is obvious that in abusing the power of disposable wealth your conduct has fallen short of that expected and demanded of a modern pervert ! Do the decent thing and hand in your resignation now. Mods, I am reporting him to you so please take the rightful action and ban him without evidence or trial, else you become complicit in the cover-up.

Seriously though. It is a fair point, and now an increasingly complex and sensitive issue. A Mistress is a woman working in professional surroundings and she should be able to conduct her trade in a non threatening environment without being physically harassed by octopus hands. If the trade is legitimate then so to is the code of conduct expected between client and provider.

What though if your perversion is groping and feeling and squeezing, and perhaps being admonished for the harassment ? The offence and the punishment is the kink ? A switch roleplay of 'Politician and Party Activist' whereby the play gives most pleasure when it is real. I don't know what to say other than I have never had any interest in visiting a Lady who has a strict 'look but don't touch' policy. I just don't see the point in paying to be denied, if I go to work and look at the attractive women I at least am being paid to be denied, and I come away with a healthier bank balance.

This may make me less than a true submissive, but never having cared greatly for the shackles of nouns it really doesn't matter. For my money a Mistress needs to be sexually attractive and I need to be able to touch it. Obviously, if I get a serious refusal then I stop and don't return, but otherwise literally feeling my way is all part of the paid for fun.

However, the issue of tactile communication has not arisen for a while because the Mistress I have seen over recent years made it quite clear on the first session that 'respectful' touching and fondling was allowed, and indeed welcomed. This was most fortunate because it would have been impossible for me to keep my hands from wandering all over her gorgeous and barely contained buxom latex clad body*. If she hadn't given permission I would now be classed as a harasser. Not that we should care too much, in this media witch-hunt we are finding that all men are perverts now.

I don't want to keep my hands off like you do.
I don't need to sniff my poppers but still do.
Don't stop now a c-'mon

Another grope now c-'mon

I wanna touch now so c-'mon

That's right, that's right
I said Mistress but we're all perverts now.

I don't know what the expected modern etiquette of the modern young Mistress would be nowadays, they are not my type so I will never find out.

A view from a lady would be most enlightening.

As an aside: The question raised by the OP seems very similar to the paradoxical concept of applying Health and Safety at Work legislation to a soldier on a battlefield. The soldier is a professional at work and so should not be exposed to personal risk and possible injury. Do modern battlefields and war zones have those big billboards stating how many zero injury person-hours of fighting have accrued since the last reported injury, or do they drop leaflets on the opposition that have a picture of a little girl above the caption 'My Daddy works here'. War is the break down of the rule of law, so perhaps sex-work is the equivalent break down of the rules of social interaction.

Kind Regards,
Slutty 'Noddy' Rimmer.

* That was one of the best sessions ever. The first time I had been introduced to poppers and latex and gasmasks and flesh. The dungeon was so warm and cosy I could have perved there all day.

[Lisal]

It has to be about dialogue.

This isn’t something that relates to us. For a start I don’t have that sort of interest. And we are close friends which would make it feel completely wrong.

Having said that she is very tactile. It threw me when we began to realise that we were becoming friendly as, every time we met, she’d charge across the room and give me a huge hug and cuddle. I come from a non tactile family and my ex was the same so, at the beginning I’d back pedal. Now I’m used to it and really look forward to her opening the door and getting into that warm embrace. Her family are the same so I can see where she gets it from

Obviously, this is very touchy subject so, as has been said, it’s something that needs serious discussion.

There is a very different protocols in a BDSM session and what protocols (should) happen outside the dungeon.

Within the dungeon its the set of Mistress rules of etiquette we as clients (subs slaves etc) abide by and if the Mistress rules are look but don't touch then that's the rules we have to work to

[Ogden McNitt]

Originally Posted by Lisal

this is very touchy subject

I like what you did there.

Originally Posted by Lisal

It has to be about dialogue.

I'm not sure about this. That's an awkward conversation to have with someone over the phone, or with someone you've just met. I'd feel like a right perv!

And what if the urges are spontaneous and the chemistry of the moment takes over?

Fully understand why Mistresses don't advertise this kind of thing, and are keen to stress the opposite on websites. One is led to believe there are some undesirables out there. Hopefully high tributes put off a lot of the dirty mac brigade who, let's face it, can get all the groping they crave at a cheaper price elsewhere.

Originally Posted by Slutty Rimmer

literally feeling my way is all part of the paid for fun.

This would be my preferred way. Start off with some contact with an innocuous body part e.g. knee, gauge reaction, and take it from there. Surely just a bit of emotional and social intelligence is all that's needed here?

Yes, a knee might not be quite so innocuous in a wine bar situation, but what harm could a man touching a domme's knee ever do in a dungeon scenario, other than to his own private parts?

Originally Posted by Slutty Rimmer

War is the break down of the rule of law, so perhaps sex-work is the equivalent break down of the rules of social interaction.

Good observation. The normal rules of social interaction aren't just broken down, but turned on their head. That's a big part of the appeal to me. It always feels odd how, post ejaculation, normal rules come back into play e.g. polite small talk about holidays and the weather when ten minutes earlier all sorts of taboos were being violated.

[ex nihilo]

If Mistress has made an outstanding pre-session effort in her choice of fetish clothing, latex, rubber etc, then it would be rude not to acknowledge her second skin with tactile appreciation. If you try it on Skin One, that's likely invasion and another matter...

[Slutty Rimmer]

I was thinking further on this touchy subject and began to wonder why I am particularly keen on a bit of tactility.

Like Lisal I have been raised in a family that never emoted or did anything in the way of hugging, squeezing, kissing etc which is a typical type of group bonding and family supportive activity for most. I have lived a life devoid of touch and whilst I do not wish it any different I think I might perhaps fetishise or exaggerate the illicit pleasure of caressing a Lady. The reward is greater because the uniqueness of the sensation is greater.

Furthermore, I note that along with smell, the sense of touch is (for me) very hard to record and recall. Tactile memory is not good due to the touch deprivation of childhood and so it always remains an immediate pleasure that can only be enjoyed in the moment, lest it be lost for good.

This is not true of sight, sound, or taste which are very well recorded in high definition and can be recalled for later remote pleasure. Touch and smell belong only to the moment and need to be physically present to excite a response, and it is for this reason that they are particularly evocative of long forgotten moments.

For instance in picking up an old book and reacquainting myself with the texture of the cover and the smoothness or roughness of the pages can immediately transport me back to the moments I spent reading it for the first time. Along with the forgotten memory come all the sensations and feelings of that time which reconstruct around the primary tactile seed.

Have you noticed how almost impossible it is to remember the feel of heat and Sun in the depth of a cold winter day and vice versa ? Viewing a picture or tasting an ice cream elicits no recall, yet pick up your bottle of Sun Factor 30 and feel the bottle and feel how the cap clicks onto the top and smell the lotion and you are once again on the beach in the heat seeing the seagulls.

It is the same with smell. Just the brief smell of a dusty country lane on a Summer's day, or the chicken sh*t smell of a farmyard delivers me right back to a warm childhood. No other sense does this, pictures or sound recordings or tastes just do not reconstruct the moment in any comprehensive sensory detail.

This makes me think that upbringing and experiences dictate our need and our reaction to touch. I enjoy it because it is transient and does not last beyond the moment.

Also it is interesting how our use of metaphor to encompass all personal emotion and thought into one word uses the term 'feelings'. Feelings are an immediate scaler assessment of the moment. If we want to assess the past or the future we use the metaphor of sight because it has the vector of direction and so we 'see' or 'view' the future and past.

Touch has no such direction and for me exists only with a magnitude in the now, and it therefore needs a live feed to be appreciated and enjoyed. Which is why I 'feel' compelled to stroke a smooth glossy bum when a smooth glossy bum is presented before me.

Just rambling down my thoughts.

Kind Regards,
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