Spicing up UKM

[Bjorn Brimble]

Originally Posted by Lisal

Right

Enough of the UKM Mistresses discussion. And I am talking to myself here as well as others!

Please all further comments on UKM in general in the thread spicing up UKM in The Suggestions Box

Originally Posted by Lisal

Why would anyone ban you for this?

You are merely stating an opinion.

I am happy to be described as "inadequate". Done this, voluntarily, for over ten years and, believe me, I have had all sorts of abuse, threats etc etc both on the board and via PM. I know exactly what you mean about the mistresses but treading the fine line between "censorship" and free speech is a delicate one. Personally, I prefer not to moderate unless I have to. And, it's amazing what gets posted when no moderators are around!

I'd also say that while the vast amount of mistresses were fine and lovely (I still have a few who posted here as friends) we've had some pretty horrible stuff from one or two as well

I don't really want to carry this on (you get cynical and stale) but do so because of how much UKM meant to me at a difficult stage of life and because of the friends I made through it.

It's all well and good raking up the past. We all know about it. UKM is now what it is - a quiet place (and mistresses prefer twitter etc to forums these days) where a few old lags chew things over. It is possible to change it but not something we as mods can do I am afraid.

Thanks for the reply Lisal.

To clarify, I was answering Geordiesouth's question about who is to blame specifically for the disappearance of the Mistresses on here, rather than trying to rake up the past, stir up trouble or insult you in any way, as others were predictably quick to insinuate.

It's just my honest opinion, and I stand by it. Surely it's a matter of established fact that a number of respected Mistresses no longer felt comfortable posting on here? For all I know it could be that the majority of posters are happy with the direction the board has taken since the Harvey Weinstein thread. In which case fair enough, I suppose.

Originally Posted by geordiesouth

Oh yes it all makes sense now.
Men who should be submissive, respectful and subservient towards professional mistresses. Having the audacity to post something they don’t agree with.

I go back to yonder years me old chum. When the mistresses who frequented these hallowed boards were made of stronger stuff. Beautiful women who earned respect by being able to talk and answer back and not just expect to be glorified to a certain extent.

Those days are gone and UKM has changed beyond recognition now. It is not a place professional mistresses feel the need to post on. It’s not going to attract business for a start. Twitter much better for that.

I get sick of hearing the same old Sh1te being churned out.
MEN being in the wrong.

The ladies I know and DID know put up with me. Because they knew I loved them and respected them not because of some submissive tendency or “It is the way the game is played” kind of thing.
They deserved it.

No need to worry about a ban Bjornface.
I am sure you could come back as..... Mmmmm let’s see.
PS5ME.

I don't agree with the binary assumption that Mistress = always right and subs = automatically wrong either. That would be ridiculous. Personally I suspect most subs and most Mistresses who post are decent enough people, but you get the odd difficult Mistress and the odd toxic sub.

I think it's extremely unfair to attempt to characterize the Mistresses complaining about the Harvey Weinstein thread as being expected to be glorified without earning respect. In fact I think that's also ridiculous.

[Lisal]

I have no problems with honest opinions Bjorn

Hindsight is a wonderful thing (for all of us)

Thing is when you have a virulent thread going you are trying to keep a balance while not wanting to moderate too heavily and keeping an eye on other things happening too. As well - you are getting PMs from both sides of the argument - why did you mod my post, why don't you delete his/her post, why don't you ban him/her. Meanwhile you are a volunteer and surprise, surprise, you have a life, too - with all the issues that brings

I am as sorry as anyone that we don't have more dommes here. I looked at that twitter thread you linked and there were three ladies there who I highly respect - Lady Annisa, Mistress Susannah (who I shared a few drinks with many moons ago) and Eris Martinet (who IIRC once commented favourably on the moderation here).

Maybe we should have been stronger but damage was also done by posts before we even got there. I do think it is easy to sit on the sidelines and say you should have done this or that. Not quite as simple when you are in the firing line. And, certainly, we had one or two ladies who were extremely difficult to moderate. Trust me - as a sub moderating dommes is interesting

I do think there are things that we could do to try to get UKM a bit busier. And there are some members with good ideas out there, too.

[Bjorn Brimble]

Originally Posted by Lisal

I have no problems with honest opinions Bjorn

Hindsight is a wonderful thing (for all of us)

Thing is when you have a virulent thread going you are trying to keep a balance while not wanting to moderate too heavily and keeping an eye on other things happening too. As well - you are getting PMs from both sides of the argument - why did you mod my post, why don't you delete his/her post, why don't you ban him/her. Meanwhile you are a volunteer and surprise, surprise, you have a life, too - with all the issues that brings

I am as sorry as anyone that we don't have more dommes here. I looked at that twitter thread you linked and there were three ladies there who I highly respect - Lady Annisa, Mistress Susannah (who I shared a few drinks with many moons ago) and Eris Martinet (who IIRC once commented favourably on the moderation here).

Maybe we should have been stronger but damage was also done by posts before we even got there. I do think it is easy to sit on the sidelines and say you should have done this or that. Not quite as simple when you are in the firing line. And, certainly, we had one or two ladies who were extremely difficult to moderate. Trust me - as a sub moderating dommes is interesting

I do think there are things that we could do to try to get UKM a bit busier. And there are some members with good ideas out there, too.

All fair points Lisal, which I take on board.

Some of the posts in question weren't outright abusive or offensive, which I suspect would have been easier to deal with. But the fact that someone posts eloquently and uses big words doesn't mean they are any less capable of bullying/gaslighting. It was unacceptable for respected female members to be made to feel how they did IMO.

[Lisal]

Originally Posted by Bjorn Brimble

Some of the posts in question weren't outright abusive or offensive, which I suspect would have been easier to deal with.

I haven't looked at that thread again (and am not going to) but, yep

And, also, what some people see as offensive others don't etc etc. And, personally anyway I'd prefer not to moderate at all. I hope that people will act as grown ups

Looking back - when I started here - all the dommes that were on UKM were there as people. That changed over the years - still, most of them were there as people but we had a few who were there as dommes. That did sour it a bit - along with certain subs (?) who had an agenda/wanted a fight/thought that some dommes were up their own bums etc etc. Plus there was abuse of the review system. One well known domme got six of her subs to sign up over a couple of days just to write glowing reviews of her. Never posted again

So, I guess what I am saying is that UKM slowly deteriorated for a number of reasons

None of which excuses how those dommes feel about some of the comments made to/about them. I say again, though, a sub moderating dommes isn't ideal!

[Slutty Rimmer]

Originally Posted by Bjorn Brimble

Some of the posts in question weren't outright abusive or offensive, which I suspect would have been easier to deal with. But the fact that someone posts eloquently and uses big words doesn't mean they are any less capable of bullying/gaslighting. It was unacceptable for respected female members to be made to feel how they did IMO.

Do you not read your own words ?

Somebody who posts and argues reasonably, politely, and intelligently should be censored because you disagree with them ? What scary Orwellian wall are you building around yourself ?

Many moons ago I deleted all the Tw*tter apps off my devices and promised myself not to sink into that cesspit again, but from your inferences I gather the ‘Rule of Jaw’ thread was not well received. What of it ? Unlike Lisal I have just re-read all my posts on that thread and in light of following events I think the direction of the thread portends the future. The biggest (but not only) criticism to be made is that the thread was ahead of its time and the jury is both figuratively and literally yet to pass verdict. I do not regret apologising at the end, but it was a bit unexpected of Mistress Lola to drop her H-bomb on me like that.

What of yourself though ? You sat on the sidelines and viewed the ’unacceptable’ ‘toxic’ and ‘bullying/gaslighting’ which the women were being subjected to but you did not think to join in and ‘call it out’. Why not ? As Lisal says, it is very easy to criticise and insult but much harder to be moderate. It is a burden which polite people strive to carry.

The social media world still does not get it do they ? You can lock yourself away in the sanctuary of a sycophantic Tw*tter echo chamber but it only polarises opinion and hardens opinion. The harder the ’progressive’ PC minds try to close down debate then the more popular the ’populists’ become. Donald Trump understands this well so why don’t more educated people understand it ? There is no such thing as censored debate beyond insisting on politeness and reason. If people are not permitted expression then they will start to act instead of talk; milkshakes, eggs, battery acid, stones, knives, guns, stubby pencils (in the exquisite privacy of a voting booth).

This board understands the principle which is why I always try to post without rancour or rudeness. Newer members such as yourself do not feel so obliged and happily pile in with your hypocritical ‘loathsome vicious batshit horrorbag’ style of educating, although are nonetheless very quick to report a post to the Mods which contains a fair observation on the subject of rice. White rice, Black rice, Brown rice, Red rice.

All colours are equal to my eyes and taste. I am not a ricist.

To repeat again, beyond politeness and reason there is no such thing as censored debate, by definition it does not exist. Either knock down your imaginary wall and escape from thought-crime or remain incarcerated in the virtual reality of social media.

P.S. What are these suitably nebulous words which are being used by everyone nowadays to try and dictate or curb discussion and thought ? ‘Toxic’, ‘Calling out’, ‘Feeling uncomfortable’, ‘Gaslighting’ (whatever that means) ’Unicorns’ etc. There is quite a lexicon of them now such that all you need to do is throw in a few names, the odd adjective, and a handful of nasty insults and you have a ready made ‘opinion by numbers’ or a ‘build a thought without thinking’.

There is too much mindless modular thinking corrupting modern society. Free wired thought is much harder to achieve, and therefore dearer for it.

I like to hear the melody of a dissenting voice.

Kind Regards,
Page 130.

[mikeyports]

I joined here at the age of 28 I'm know 47 so it's been a part of my life for a long time and have so many good memories.

But scapey and a few others told be the flame wars where even worse before I joined.

Also some people I just did not get on with on the board but of the board where great guys subray for example.

Some one mentioned mistress susannah lovely lady remember her turning up for her first munch.

I think in the past I was guilty of posting without thinking or worse with beer.

I so enjoyed the charity events and I will say 3 as one was a moderater getting a caneing.

But also feel lucky that the mistress I'm seeing know I meet on this board and I'm enjoying my self so much.

Sadly we have lost as in past away a few members scapey Graham fulmer moose etc and a good friend pp who I'm sure has sadly passed.

So life is to short I will give my point of view but I wont worry anymore if someone disagrees.

I think ukm was great because so many mistresses I visited I meet first on here and reading there posts helped me get the confidence to visit the mistress I was with for over 10 years I meet on here.

And hay if I stick around gs might buy me a pint.

Sorry can't go down memory lane with out remembering posh sub and the lettuce can't remember which mistress dealt the blows but good memories.

And there was me organising the Portsmouth Munich and getting us lost in my home town.

I do regret losing touch with a few people folly paul but regret is part of life.

Take care all

[geordiesouth]

Good old Mikey. Ya young rascal you. I well remember that shy young man at the LFF and yes you may well catch me on a bad day and get me to buy you a beer.
But I distinctly recall it is your round.

This twittering mistresses have a view and are chatting about UKM. So they should. Everyone has a view, it’s just that sometimes we don’t all see the same thing.

Perhaps if I start my posts off with “I beg to differ”

Actually that sounds rather good. Sort of eloquently submissive don’t you think.

[Bjorn Brimble]

Originally Posted by Lisal

I am as sorry as anyone that we don't have more dommes here.

Originally Posted by Lisal

I'd prefer not to moderate at all. I hope that people will act as grown ups

I'm afraid you can't have it both ways. No right minded person would expect any dommes to stick around on here after reading those kind of views on sexual violence. This is their job in real life and they face real life risks every time they see clients!

A forum like this should be somewhere that makes them feel more reassured and safe about the job they do, not more vulnerable!

Originally Posted by Lisal

None of which excuses how those dommes feel about some of the comments made to/about them

There's no excuses whatsoever. And I don't think anyone could accuse Mistress Lola, Mistress Susannah and Lady Annisa of being oversensitive snowflakes or troublesome either. They all have a reputation for being extremely level-headed, knowledgeable and intelligent dommes. For them to say they found the thread horrific and unbearable shames us all.

Unless something changes, I don't think they, or any other reputable dommes, will be back any time soon unfortunately. Which makes me wonder, what is the point of the forum going on the way it is?

[Lisal]

I don't want it both ways - which is why I said I prefer not to moderate not that I won't moderate.

Again, as has been said it's easy from the outside looking in. Let me give you a real example and I'd genuinely be interested in how you'd have moderated it. It involves Mistress A and Sub B and there are no people saying horrific or unbearable but there were strong emotions expressed on both sides - both on board and by PM

Sub B in the course of a general conversation mentioned that he had visited Mistress A and during the session she had spent quite a lot of time on the phone. Mistress A was outraged - she never does that and sub B was out to get her. Sub B stands by their story - he has seen many dommes and he is expressing a real view. Mistress A PMs me - demands that the thread be taken down and Sub B be banned - etc etc etc. And so it continued. Sub B stands by his story. Some subs support him because they want to hear the "truth" about prospective dommes

The point of the forum? At the moment for a few old lags to chew the fat amongst themselves. I quite agree it is not going to attract dommes posting as it is. To repeat myself there are ways of changing things but some of them are not within the power of the moderators. I might look at it differently if I was the owner but, right now, UKM is not high on my agenda.

If I am being honest (from a long experience of this) I think you'd have to moderate some subs ruthlessly to keep mistresses posting here. A few mistresses can be very demanding around even the slightest possible alleged slight!

[Bjorn Brimble]

Originally Posted by Lisal

Again, as has been said it's easy from the outside looking in. Let me give you a real example and I'd genuinely be interested in how you'd have moderated it. It involves Mistress A and Sub B and there are no people saying horrific or unbearable but there were strong emotions expressed on both sides - both on board and by PM

Sub B in the course of a general conversation mentioned that he had visited Mistress A and during the session she had spent quite a lot of time on the phone. Mistress A was outraged - she never does that and sub B was out to get her. Sub B stands by their story - he has seen many dommes and he is expressing a real view. Mistress A PMs me - demands that the thread be taken down and Sub B be banned - etc etc etc. And so it continued. Sub B stands by his story. Some subs support him because they want to hear the "truth" about prospective dommes

This is a straightforward he said/she said scenario, in which you are never going to please both parties, and there's no way of determining the definitive truth.

You just have to be firm with them both, not take sides and make it clear the board is not the place to continue the dispute once both sides have said their piece. Any reasonable members following the thread would be understanding of your position if you explained it clearly and fairly. And if they weren't reasonable members, then who cares?