When cock overrules brain; dopamine, chimps, guilt, shame & BDSM

[Bjorn Brimble]

Is anyone familiar with feelings of guilt or shame arising immediately after a BDSM session?

I experienced this often when I used to see PDs, and never really bothered to try and understand what it was all about.

It's to do with the brain having two different parts; the frontal lobe and the primitive brain. One does all the rational thinking, and the other takes care of our basic needs, including the desire for sex, which I suppose would include BDSM.

I suspect most of us can relate to the feelings of sheer exhilaration caused by the release of dopamine and other neurotransmitters that flood the brain before and during a BDSM session, but in my case I suspect it was a unusually high and potent mix, at times it felt off the scale! The rational part of the brain was momentarily hijacked, which led to sessioning on impulse and feelings of guilt and shame post-ejaculation.

I take my hat off to all you subs who take a more prudent approach to sessioning.

There's quite an interesting book on the subject called The Chimp Paradox, which refers to the two parts of the brain as the human and the chimp. The model outlined in the book is about getting the human to control the chimp, not the other way round. It has been extremely effective in sports psychology and getting athletes to perform beyond expectation, but I found it useful in understanding the psychology involved in my own relationship with BDSM.

[geordiesouth]

I have four lobes. Back, front. Left and right sides.
Left is male, right is female albeit slightly butch masculine.
Front is a non thinking area and I hardly ever use any of the back part.

A chimp paradox is when you conform to the belief that god did not create us and some bloke called Darwin has somehow made you believe in all kinds of ridiculous notions.
I have met that professor bloke called Cocks or summit similar and it is all rubbish I can tell you.

I do however have one lobe in my knob and I let that do all the thinking for me.
It has worked up to now and I ain’t changing things now that I can travel on public transport for free.

Which leads me on to why some mistresses seem perplexed when I ask if I can get to where they are by bus, train, tube or tram.
As it is the first question I always ask when making contact. I get the impression from some of them that I am not taking things all that serious.

[Mistress Adore]

Originally Posted by Bjorn Brimble

Is anyone familiar with feelings of guilt or shame arising immediately after a BDSM session?

I experienced this often when I used to see PDs, and never really bothered to try and understand what it was all about.

It's to do with the brain having two different parts; the frontal lobe and the primitive brain. One does all the rational thinking, and the other takes care of our basic needs, including the desire for sex, which I suppose would include BDSM.

I suspect most of us can relate to the feelings of sheer exhilaration caused by the release of dopamine and other neurotransmitters that flood the brain before and during a BDSM session, but in my case I suspect it was a unusually high and potent mix, at times it felt off the scale! The rational part of the brain was momentarily hijacked, which led to sessioning on impulse and feelings of guilt and shame post-ejaculation.

I take my hat off to all you subs who take a more prudent approach to sessioning.

There's quite an interesting book on the subject called The Chimp Paradox, which refers to the two parts of the brain as the human and the chimp. The model outlined in the book is about getting the human to control the chimp, not the other way round. It has been extremely effective in sports psychology and getting athletes to perform beyond expectation, but I found it useful in understanding the psychology involved in my own relationship with BDSM.

The limbic system, otherwise know as the chimp/lizard brain has no rational thought process at all. you are right, it is responsible for the fight, flight or freeze response, essential for keeping us alive when we used to be the pray not the hunter.

I would suggest there is also the adrenaline drop sensations after session, the parasympathetic nervous system comes into play during orgasm and can trigger other feelings when changing from sympathetic to parasympathetic.


In essence we all feel our thought, be there any truth in said thought or not. We can have a past or fleeting thought around a session that can return after the session end and then sure enough you are going to feel that thought, usually before you even know you have had the thought.


Any response can be changed, updated or adjusted with knowledge, the right style of mistress and management in session if it a big problem, or you can accept the thought/feeling always passes and accept it as part of your reactions.

Sometimes called "sub drop" I find it worse after session when I get well into deep sub space.


I see it as being the delicious thing that is BDSM

[Slutty Rimmer]

Originally Posted by reefknot

Sometimes called "sub drop" I find it worse after session when I get well into deep sub space.


I see it as being the delicious thing that is BDSM

I have never experienced ‘sub drop’ and I have never felt ashamed either. I suspect I may be a touch aspergic in this respect ! After a session I feel released, relaxed, and exhilarated and always try to ensure the next day is free in my diary to do other non-sexual hobbies. There is no shame.

Mistress Adore responded with the comments I was going to make regarding the limbic system being the ‘Monkey’ in charge of the person. I would only add that I think poppers enhance this effect and surrender the person to the monkey. Poppers run-up the white flag to respect and reason, for a short period.

But what care we ?

There is only what is right and what is wrong and what is affordable and what is safe for us to seriously worry about. For shame there needs to be a wrongdoing and for a crime there needs to be a law, and yet the crime must come before the law. If what I do is not criminal or illegal or unsafe and I can afford it then I reflect that it is all just enjoyable ‘stuff’. No differnt to any other pleasant stuff which occupies our time on this little spinning ball. I know other people are all up to their own weird stuff which baffles me. They have as much and as little to hide as I do. Did you realise people will actually spend hours and hours playing and watching tennis, or spend thousands upon thousands of pounds each year to slide down a cold snowy slope on skis ? Madness in my eyes.

It is all just stuff.

When we die, and we all will*, I am certain I will not look at my last ever sunset and regret that I did such filthy ‘shameful’ things with my Mistress friend (and especially ‘shameful’ with her partner). Instead I will be proud and smiling. However, I can well imagine that I will be ashamed and regretful that I spent so much time and emotion of my life on working and caring about work. It is really and properly humiliating for me to spend 9 hours or more each day at a pissy little postage stamp sized desk imprisoned by the triple tyranny of stress, IT, and irrelevance. This is what shames me most in my life.

This last point is a parallel one to the OP. I take my hat off to anyone who can be so uncoupled from work and who can keep it at a safe distance. My conscientious attitude to working rather than playing is a great shame in my life. Most people I meet seem not to take it so personally as I do.

Kind Regards,
Page 130.

* I read a good quote the other day:

None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself like an afterthought. Eat the delicious food. Walk in the sunshine. Jump in the ocean. Say the truth that you are carrying in your heart like hidden treasure. Be silly. Be kind. Be weird. There is no time for anything else.

[geordiesouth]

I think what Slutty is trying to say is,

“Live life”