UKM - Connection or activity ? - UK

Mistress Adore · 14-06-2013, 10:15

What do you look for mostly when you session ?

Following on from the after session thoughts thread that went down an interesting route, i wondered how many here prefer to see a Domme for an activity they enjoy, even if there is maybe only a light connection with the Mistress they are playing with, compared to how many enjoy the interaction with the Mistress with a deeper connection over the actual activities ?

I understand there is crossover both ways of course

jo nep · 14-06-2013, 10:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mistress Adore

....enjoy the interaction with the Mistress with a deeper connection over the actual activities ?

I have sessioned with only one Mistress on a regular basis since late 2011 and now leave the session content entirely at her discretion

. I was originally attracted by words, pictures and ethos expressed on her web site and as the sessions have advanced and we get to know more of each others wants and needs, the original narratives have been validated to be 100% accurate.

What started out as a written representation of my fantasies has turned into a much deeper physical and psychological manifestation.

14-06-2013, 11:09

I think it has to be both. The connection comes from personal regard and shared interests (I.e activities)

jon123 · 14-06-2013, 11:16

Taking a different route this time then ...

Most of my favourite activities are fairly mainstream, and I'm not limited to one or two things. So in approaching a new mistress I look at the activities list, of course, but I'm more interested in what I can find out about a domme's style of play to see if we are likely to be suited.

After that, in the session and when deciding to come back a second or third time it's the quality of the connection that's more important.

Explaining what makes this connection is quite difficult, though knowing it's there is simpler.

*****

I've been thinking about connections myself recently and I've realised that for me there's a pattern emerging. Physical appearance has been important, probably more important than I've been prepared to admit to myself. I don't say I'm ashamed to say this, but it rather contradicts the tone of many of my previous posts. "The domme as a younger-looking version of my wife." I suppose this is not really surprising since the same physical attributes that first attracted me to my wife, and then were reinforced sexually over the years, carried over in physically connecting with a mistress.

Possibly I will lose some credibility, if I have any that is, for the latter part of this contribution.

Mistress Susannah · 14-06-2013, 11:40

Of course there is a massive crossover here, and it's the overall whole that counts.

When I'm assessing people I want to play with, I won't take on anyone who is focussed on one or two activities and who make it clear that's the reason they've contacted me.

Our activities do, of course, have to match up. But the most important part of the selection process is when we speak of fantasies or how they relate psychologically to me and the activities.

So yes, the connection far outweighs the activities.

GordonFreeman · 17-06-2013, 15:06

Originally my focus was upon what I was looking for (ie activities) and upon the dommes looks. I often searched for someone who had a certain look that appeals to the fantasies I have. Now however the connection with the mistress is just as important to me such that my current Domme is quite different to the person I was seeking when I began. This is because of the person she is - her humanity if you like - as well as the stuff we do in session.

Anitafan · 17-06-2013, 15:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mistress Adore

What do you look for mostly when you session ?

Following on from the after session thoughts thread that went down an interesting route, i wondered how many here prefer to see a Domme for an activity they enjoy, even if there is maybe only a light connection with the Mistress they are playing with, compared to how many enjoy the interaction with the Mistress with a deeper connection over the actual activities ?

I understand there is crossover both ways of course

Yet another interesting question. I can best answer it for me by thinking about recent experiences. There are 2 dommes local to me, both of whom are very good at certain activities that I enjoy. However, I find that I can be somewhat irritated by them in different ways. Outside of session, there is little connection, only politeness. I have more or less stopped seeing one of them.

The domme(s) who occupy my thoughts are those with whom I have found a connection, even if I cannot see them often. Although by no means irrelevant, the session activities matter much less than the connection.

Red · 18-06-2013, 20:09

For me it's the connection every time. If there isn't a deep connection I am not interested even if the Domme offers something that I like/want.

Mutual trust and respect are important to me and these have to be built up over time. I wouldn't be happy sessioning with a Mistress whom I didn't know as a person and had formed some sort of relationship with.

geordiesouth · 18-06-2013, 21:34

I'm interested in what Green had to say (oh sorry...... Red. This bloody colour blindness)
I'm just wondering how you build up this relationship with a mistress if you've never met her before.

Jon123...... You've lost no credibility at all mate. You've said nowt wrong.

This is a bit difficult for me to talk about really. I think because I think of myself as being a rather shallow end swimmer in this BDSM pool. It's certainly a physical thing for me to start off with. I have built up relationships (friendships) with dommes/mistresses I have sessioned with. But that did not mean I would session with them again.
It's got me thinking this thread.

Red · 18-06-2013, 21:50

Well GeordieNorth ( oh sorry..... GeordieSouth I've always been crap at directions).

I don't actually do this because I very happy with the Mistress I've got and have no need nor desire to look elsewhere.

If I did want to strike up a relationship with another Mistress however it would probably be through socialising with them at events, munches etc. over a period of time.

14-06-2013, 10:15	#1
Mistress Adore Moderator Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 1,730 Reputation: 104	Connection or activity ? What do you look for mostly when you session ? Following on from the after session thoughts thread that went down an interesting route, i wondered how many here prefer to see a Domme for an activity they enjoy, even if there is maybe only a light connection with the Mistress they are playing with, compared to how many enjoy the interaction with the Mistress with a deeper connection over the actual activities ? I understand there is crossover both ways of course

14-06-2013, 11:40	#5
Mistress Susannah Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: South East London Posts: 732 Reputation: 112	Of course there is a massive crossover here, and it's the overall whole that counts. When I'm assessing people I want to play with, I won't take on anyone who is focussed on one or two activities and who make it clear that's the reason they've contacted me. Our activities do, of course, have to match up. But the most important part of the selection process is when we speak of fantasies or how they relate psychologically to me and the activities. So yes, the connection far outweighs the activities. __________________ http://www.mistresssusannah.co.uk

17-06-2013, 15:06	#6
GordonFreeman Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: East Sussex Posts: 380 Reputation: 103	Originally my focus was upon what I was looking for (ie activities) and upon the dommes looks. I often searched for someone who had a certain look that appeals to the fantasies I have. Now however the connection with the mistress is just as important to me such that my current Domme is quite different to the person I was seeking when I began. This is because of the person she is - her humanity if you like - as well as the stuff we do in session. __________________ '...the right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world...'

14-06-2013, 11:09	#3
Lisal Guest Posts: n/a	I think it has to be both. The connection comes from personal regard and shared interests (I.e activities)

14-06-2013, 11:16	#4
jon123 Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 793 Reputation: 165	Taking a different route this time then ... Most of my favourite activities are fairly mainstream, and I'm not limited to one or two things. So in approaching a new mistress I look at the activities list, of course, but I'm more interested in what I can find out about a domme's style of play to see if we are likely to be suited. After that, in the session and when deciding to come back a second or third time it's the quality of the connection that's more important. Explaining what makes this connection is quite difficult, though knowing it's there is simpler. ***** I've been thinking about connections myself recently and I've realised that for me there's a pattern emerging. Physical appearance has been important, probably more important than I've been prepared to admit to myself. I don't say I'm ashamed to say this, but it rather contradicts the tone of many of my previous posts. "The domme as a younger-looking version of my wife." I suppose this is not really surprising since the same physical attributes that first attracted me to my wife, and then were reinforced sexually over the years, carried over in physically connecting with a mistress. Possibly I will lose some credibility, if I have any that is, for the latter part of this contribution.

18-06-2013, 20:09	#8
Red Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: North of England Posts: 12 Reputation: 10	For me it's the connection every time. If there isn't a deep connection I am not interested even if the Domme offers something that I like/want. Mutual trust and respect are important to me and these have to be built up over time. I wouldn't be happy sessioning with a Mistress whom I didn't know as a person and had formed some sort of relationship with.

18-06-2013, 21:34	#9
geordiesouth Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 7,244 Reputation: 108	I'm interested in what Green had to say (oh sorry...... Red. This bloody colour blindness) I'm just wondering how you build up this relationship with a mistress if you've never met her before. Jon123...... You've lost no credibility at all mate. You've said nowt wrong. This is a bit difficult for me to talk about really. I think because I think of myself as being a rather shallow end swimmer in this BDSM pool. It's certainly a physical thing for me to start off with. I have built up relationships (friendships) with dommes/mistresses I have sessioned with. But that did not mean I would session with them again. It's got me thinking this thread.

18-06-2013, 21:50	#10
Red Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: North of England Posts: 12 Reputation: 10	Well GeordieNorth ( oh sorry..... GeordieSouth I've always been crap at directions). I don't actually do this because I very happy with the Mistress I've got and have no need nor desire to look elsewhere. If I did want to strike up a relationship with another Mistress however it would probably be through socialising with them at events, munches etc. over a period of time.