“Lifestyle “ vs PD

[Lisal]

To keep the other threads on topic

Which do you prefer and why

Plus any other related discussion points about the subject

[Slutty Rimmer]

Originally Posted by Lisal

To keep the other threads on topic

Which do you prefer and why

Plus any other related discussion points about the subject

Good call on this one Lisal.

UK Mistresses can be every bit as practiced if not more so than ‘Professional’ Mistresses. You can commodify and buy pleasure as just a momentary thrill but love and friendship are beyond the coin.

It hurts more and you can take more when you know she knows you love her more for it.

Kind Regards,
Rimmer.

[Lisal]

Originally Posted by Slutty Rimmer

Good call on this one Lisal.

You can commodify and buy pleasure as just a momentary thrill but love and friendship are beyond the coin.

It hurts more and you can take more when you know she knows you love her more for it.

Kind Regards,
Rimmer.

But you can have love and friendship in a "professional" relationship. I have

To be honest on reflection the thread title is a bit too adversarial. It really shouldn't be either or

It's surely about the two people involved. If it works for them (money or no money) then that is all that matters. Those of us who attended some of the munches all those years back will still shudder about the vulnerability of some of those there (one person remains in my memory). Equally there were some "doms" who were predators

OTOH there are plenty of good lifestyle relationships. Yours certainly sounds like one

Perhaps our own experiences shape our views in this. More likely probably

[Slutty Rimmer]

Originally Posted by Lisal

But you can have love and friendship in a "professional" relationship. I have

To be honest on reflection the thread title is a bit too adversarial. It really shouldn't be either or

It's surely about the two people involved. If it works for them (money or no money) then that is all that matters. Those of us who attended some of the munches all those years back will still shudder about the vulnerability of some of those there (one person remains in my memory). Equally there were some "doms" who were predators

OTOH there are plenty of good lifestyle relationships. Yours certainly sounds like one

Perhaps our own experiences shape our views in this. More likely probably

I tend to agree. You are certainly correct to down play the adversarial connotations. We are a broad church and all have our style of play and pleasure.

As far as money is concerned though I don’t fully understand what it is doing if the relationship is personal and loving, unless it is some form of allowance for lifestyle and costs. Which would make sense.

Definitely want to hear more about these ‘predator’ doms, although that is probably for another thread. I would be surprised if there isn’t a ‘Mistress Predator’ out there offering fin-dom or something similar !

Kind Regards,
Rimmer.

[Lisal]

Originally Posted by Slutty Rimmer

As far as money is concerned though I don’t fully understand what it is doing if the relationship is personal and loving, unless it is some form of allowance for lifestyle and costs. Which would make sense.



Kind Regards,
Rimmer.

Perhaps, it's how it begins?

I started seeing herself many years ago. One of many at the time. Over time we got to know each other - became friends and started doing a few social things out of session. And we got closer

She branched out on her own - took a few of us with her. Started sessioning more regularly - and we got on better. Other stuff which I won't relate but she's seen me through some of my worst times in life

And we continue. But she has a business to run as well. So we session and there is a "tribute". It's sort of incidental

She's my closest friend and the one I trust more than other. We just grew together - both personally and BDSM wise

That's just my experience but hope it gives some insight

[reefknot]

Lifestyle for me is a dream, maybe one I want to keep as a dream

I have formed good friendships with proDommes over the years, some of the friendships remain long after the Mistress has retired. The main thing is to respect the professional aspect and know the boundaries between it and the personal friendship

[Slutty Rimmer]

Originally Posted by Lisal

Perhaps, it's how it begins?

I started seeing herself many years ago. One of many at the time. Over time we got to know each other - became friends and started doing a few social things out of session. And we got closer

She branched out on her own - took a few of us with her. Started sessioning more regularly - and we got on better. Other stuff which I won't relate but she's seen me through some of my worst times in life

And we continue. But she has a business to run as well. So we session and there is a "tribute". It's sort of incidental

She's my closest friend and the one I trust more than other. We just grew together - both personally and BDSM wise

That's just my experience but hope it gives some insight

Properly lovely and encouraging to read such warm positivity Lisal, and I am pleased for you that your life is centred with ‘herself’. I understand that completely.

From what you say it sounds as if the money is just a vestigial payment that neither of you want to address for fear of upsetting the evolved relationship, which then makes it as you say ‘incidental’. In such a situation I doubt your friend would be considered a PD.

Mind you, after all that time I’m not sure if a monthly 5s 1d from the Lisal piggy bank is going to be of much use to her now* !

As an aside, I wonder how many of us went out intentionally seeking the relationship we now have or just stumbled across it along the way ? I suspect most evolved and grew as yours has done. That might be a better distinction between PD and this so-called ‘lifestyle’ i.e. the latter is free to develop and expand with fewer constraints of time and money and space and ‘services’.

Good thread this.

Kind Regards,
Rimmer.

* I seem to recall the first truly professional session I had was £65/hr. She put her rates up over the next 5 or so years to about £90/hr (IIRC) and then semi-retired but kept her regulars on at their unchanging rates for the next 7ish years. She was more than just a bit gorgeous (as Geordie can testify). Looking back now it occurs that I seem to have had an eye for attractive busty blondes. Nothing intended, or at least I think not.

[Lisal]

Yes

Probably not a PD in the traditional sense which makes the thread title even more wrong. There are a lot of shades of grey out there - for example a lifestyler who pays for all their partners clothes, food, travel....

The tribute went up to 5s 2d in lockdown when she was picking me up and bringing me home on session day. It's stayed at that amount but that's the only increase for years and it was my suggestion

Must say a FLR in the lifestyle sense doesn't appeal to me. I'm a light player and a kinky sex relationship with an open minded lady open to experiment would probably have worked

[ex nihilo]

Definitely a "lifestyle " in inverted commas vs PD thread so far.

A professional dominant is a man or a woman who is involved in BDSM for money. Bottoms hire them to fulfil their kinky fantasies and needs. It's about paying cash for services with a professional top.

Some professional dominants are also lifestyle dominants. They take on paying submissive’s who they cater for during the working day, but they also have bottoms that they play with for pleasure in their true life, which is pro bono.

I think lifestyle by definition is something that’s 24/7 and it’s something that involves community. They are the ones who give advice and guidance to others in general terms to make the BDSM community a viable, safe and good place to be. They are influencers or scene leaders who organise munches and fetish parties.

As Lisal points out tributes are the key driver in the PD world, but there is often the equivalence of buying clothes, paying for holidays etc, in the what we are describing here as the "lifestyle" world.

If it’s not 24/7. then so called "lifestyle," maybe just a kinky Libertine relationship enjoyed at various times and if gifts are a feature of the relationship, then the recipient of the gift is submissive to the giver. A sort of topping from the bottom.

A PD can be a femme fatale and invoke powerful feelings of devotion in a submissive. There is rarely love to be found in such an asymmetric relationship.

I might be wrong, but gleaning from what he writes, Rimmer appears to be a man on the outside looking in on some kind of tryst and if he is paying for the privilege in some way through holidays etc, then the relationship would be tending towards the professional.

You don’t get free lifestyle outside the strict 24/7 community….

[Slutty Rimmer]

Originally Posted by ex nihilo

I might be wrong, but gleaning from what he writes, Rimmer appears to be a man on the outside looking in on some kind of tryst and if he is paying for the privilege in some way through holidays etc, then the relationship would be tending towards the professional.

You don’t get free lifestyle outside the strict 24/7 community….

…but you do ‘wrong’ with such ease !

Kind Regards,
Rimmer.