Topping from the bottom

[Lisal]

An old chestnut I know but it was mentioned in another thread so why not give it another airing

What does it mean to you?

[reefknot]

It's always I guess a challenge in the proDomme scene.

The proDomme offers a range of services to her clients and asks the client what they want from a session; post session the proDomme often wants feedback especially if its a repeat client.

The topping from the bottom cums in when the client makes demands about the session they want or even worse during the session tries to direct the conduct of the session.

[ex nihilo]

Originally Posted by Lisal

An old chestnut I know but it was mentioned in another thread so why not give it another airing

What does it mean to you?

A good and useful thread.

To me, TFTB means any attempt to subvert the power dynamic between the Dominant and submissive. It shows lack of respect or trust for the D/s relationship, when the submissive attempts to subvert it.

Whether its overt or takes the form of subtle innuendo, in and/or out of session, there will always be an element of subversion in play.

A good Domme who wishes to partake in a long term D/s relationship, will pick up the subliminal signs from the sub, that things are not going as well as expected and will vary the activities or the scale of an activity accordingly. The sub just needs to be patient and go with the flow.

One weakness in the professional space, is that because the sub is shelling out, they might feel entitled to magistrate the session in some way. Such is the power of money. Quid pro quo is not an option in the true sense of TPE.

[Lisal]

It's interesting because I know I did something yesterday which I think a number would regard as TFTB

We were messaging and I made a provocative remark which will come back on me. But it's sort of how we play (we both laughed about it) and it doesn't impact at all on the overall D/s relationship. Perhaps that's to do with how long we've been sessioning and the fact that neither of us takes it over seriously

I do wonder sometimes whether some of these BDSM "phrases" are a bit too limiting. I can get them when you start with someone new but - as you get used to each other - things morph somewhat into what works for the two of you

I've never had a safeword with her. Tbf we don't do heavy play but it's never been necessary. Something doesn't work for either of us we talk it through and agree how to take it forward.

[Bjorn Brimble]

Let’s not forget every D/s relationship is a two way process. Doesn’t matter how much power or control the top has.

A good Domme will actively seek regular verbal feedback.

And sometimes written feedback.

On top of the non-verbal stuff they pick up on during play.

Reefknot talks about the sub trying to direct the conduct of the session during the session as though it’s a bad thing.

Not necessarily.

In the real world sometimes things don’t run to plan and misunderstandings arise. Dommes are good empaths. We know that.

But they’re not bloody mind readers.

If the paying client is not enjoying the session then speak up. Don’t suffer in silence.

A good Mistress wants the session to be mutually enjoyable for BOTH parties.

But don’t take the piss. And be polite and tactful.

There are no fast and hard rules here. At the end of the day it’s supposed to be about having fun.

Contrary to what some subs seem to think, there’s no bloody rule book. How boring would sessions be if there was, is what I say.

Apart from SSC. It goes without saying that that’s fundamental and underpins all our play on here.

[ex nihilo]

Originally Posted by Lisal

It's interesting because I know I did something yesterday which I think a number would regard as TFTB

We were messaging and I made a provocative remark which will come back on me…

If you think it is TFTB and you say it will come back on you, it probably is.

Originally Posted by Lisal

But it's sort of how we play (we both laughed about it) and it doesn't impact at all on the overall D/s relationship. Perhaps that's to do with how long we've been sessioning and the fact that neither of us takes it over seriously

If it doesn’t impact on the overall D/s, then there is nothing really to come back on you.

Originally Posted by Lisal

I do wonder sometimes whether some of these BDSM "phrases" are a bit too limiting. I can get them when you start with someone new but - as you get used to each other - things morph somewhat into what works for the two of you.

That can’t be the case with TPE ? The TPE underpinning the session would be the same for the first and the fiftieth. Logically, it would be play outside the scope of naturally evolving TPE that might be limiting...

[geordiesouth]

Originally Posted by ex nihilo

a good and useful thread.

To me, tftb means any attempt to subvert the power dynamic between the dominant and submissive. It shows lack of respect or trust for the d/s relationship, when the submissive attempts to subvert it.

Whether its overt or takes the form of subtle innuendo, in and/or out of session, there will always be an element of subversion in play.

A good domme who wishes to partake in a long term d/s relationship, will pick up the subliminal signs from the sub, that things are not going as well as expected and will vary the activities or the scale of an activity accordingly. The sub just needs to be patient and go with the flow.

One weakness in the professional space, is that because the sub is shelling out, they might feel entitled to magistrate the session in some way. Such is the power of money. Quid pro quo is not an option in the true sense of tpe.

This !

[Lisal]

Originally Posted by ex nihilo

That can’t be the case with TPE ? The TPE underpinning the session would be the same for the first and the fiftieth. Logically, it would be play outside the scope of naturally evolving TPE that might be limiting...

I did say "some"

Would you really do TPE in a first session while you still don't really know each other. You may well further down the line although I am inclined (little old cynical me) that in many cases there will still be a line in the sand, somewhere.

It is certainly an interesting concept and IMHO requires total trust and understanding if it is to work (like other things of course)

[ex nihilo]

Originally Posted by Lisal

I did say "some"
Would you really do TPE in a first session while you still don't really know each other. You may well further down the line although I am inclined (little old cynical me) that in many cases there will still be a line in the sand, somewhere.

It is certainly an interesting concept and IMHO requires total trust and understanding if it is to work (like other things of course)

I wouldn't exactly call it TPE on a first session but more likely vanilla page. But it can be TPE if you have agreed to use a safe word.

If I feel that trust is there, after the initial sessions, I like to move to consensual non-consent, or CNC. It’s a type of D/s relationship that’s based on a deep trust and a desire to experience the Domme’s full skills and experience. The stuff she likes and is really good at.

Obviously, the implication is that the sub is willing, even if he is pleading for the Domme to stop.

The only backstop for the sub in this scenario, is the safe word and that would only be used as a last resort. Last resort because you are saying you have reached a limit of trust in Her. Most of us know or like to think, that the Domme will know when to stop anyway, because that comes from the experience in Her gift. She doesn't want to injure you.

The play does not always have to be heavy punishment, but if it is painful, then the aftercare is important. Hence, domestic is much better than revolving door dungeon…

[ex nihilo]

Originally Posted by geordiesouth

This !

Why did you alter my D/s to d/s gs ?